I want to exorcise the demons from your past

Packing for North Carolina.

I always hope deep inside I'm making a good decision.

Yesterday I finished off a bottle of Kinky Liqueur with Eddy, Jill, Cory and Aaron. So we only had like 2-3 shots each haha; and got buzzed playing Pokemon Master Trainer board game and Dirty Minds board game.

Gotta give most of my manga's to Kazumi. I never look at them or read them.

Fluffy requested my old project playlist just now. I haven't logged in on years, so I'm making an FM Gem playlist atm :]

Then I gotta pick up Eddy and we're gonna try a different culture/ethnic restaurant tonight with my coworkers.And see a movie after I suppose!

I also wanna play Ragnarok tonight with Jill & Cory if I have time cause they started playing RO again. So gonna try out Deliverance-RO if anyone cares to play with me? Hopefully it'll be a good server.

Things I wanna do in North Carolina:
Sky Dive, Zip-line, Indoor rock climbing, FSU, visit Fluffy down in Florida, get a photo shoot, Warped Tour, Animazement, more to come.

/sigh money matters and opinions

The infamous "if I was rich instantly" idea.

*I'd pay off all my current debt first thing.
*I'd pay off all my families debt (my mom has a ton in medical bills).
*Depending how much money I had, I'd hire a person to help me invest/control it.
*I'd buy a new car, either a Camaro or Chevy Volt. Custom made.
*I'd completely renovate the house I'm in now for my parents. Like tear it down, re-landscape it and build a new one on the ground.
*I'd buy myself a reasonable nice house in the bay area for me and Eddy to move to and a couple room mates? (Who wants to live with us for a lil bit? Kayla, Kate, Jill?)
*I'd buy Kayla and her mom a house and help take care of the family ranch/well.
*I'd have a big party and cater L&L Hawaiian BBQ 
*Get everything on my wish list, which is expensive to me now but would be knocked out in a day ;D
*Finish my education, fully paid for, maybe live in the dorms somewhere and look for a good job I can invest into.
*I wouldn't stop working, but I'd rather find a job I much enjoyed compared to Slave-mart.

If only.

Its amazing how people in the United States are programmed, or told in our western society that the goal is to become rich. Or get a job that makes you rich. Where as Japan and a lot of other country's, retail and other jobs aren't as frowned upon. Each person is important, emphasizing the wheel can't turn without the spokes. Of course in other countries, a lot of things are more expensive but the minimum wage is also way higher. 

I don't want to be so filthy rich that I become greedy or inhumane. Rather, I'd like more money to live a lifestyle that I wish I could have lived growing up that more fortunate people live. Also to help out my parents, because I hate seeing my dad stress so much everyday and having to work so hard after retirement to keep us afloat. Nothing like hearing bill collectors calling the house all the time and seeing your parents go to a lawyer to avoid bankruptcy. Nothing like being dragged out of bed at 8am so your dad can take you to Golden 1 to withdraw your savings of $500 to get to $3k so he can pay a bill immediately. I had no idea what had happened that day. I'm scared to ask.

Then it sucks to hear your best friend has to pay so much to take care of her parents. And wishing you could do something to help her, on top of wishing you could already help yourself and your own parents. 

Growing up, it didn't feel like this. When Bill Clinton was in office, it felt like even if people were poor in the early 90's they were happy and people had money to do things. 

 Even if I can't get rich instantly, I really strive to make a good living one day, that I make enough to take care of my basic needs, to pay all my bills, and not have to worry so much and also to afford decent entertainment and have good friends and family over. You know, just enough to make life really good.

And I do have a pretty good life now as bad as it can be at times. As much as I feel I'm at my breaking point. I see others less fortunate than me and it pushes me more deep inside that i need to be thankful for what I already have and be even more determined to get where I wanna go. I don't know if I'll be able to do that staying in Stockton...

So as much as I believed 2012 was a year of change, I think I also had a lot of fun this year and I believe that 2013 will be more stressful, more goal/work orientated to get me, where I need to go. 


Also I found it funny that Savemart responded to my idea:

 Because it would be nicet o feel more comfortable at work. We look like Burger town workers, not "professional"

If I play this game really good, I shall EARN YOUR LOVE

This week I've been on vacation. I had 2 finals which were ok, but I've mostly been chilling. I have been trying to draw again x3 and I want to enter the The Darkness II contest on DeviantArt as well as been playing MW3 and I'm rank 26 on first prestige which is sad but oh well xD

I went to Arden Fair mall yesterday with Robby since he had to take a Sac State run and I bought a weird dress at Pac Sun that reminds me of some other generation but I like it so I'll wear it on Christmas x3

 And I bought new Turtle Beaches since my old pair semi-broke =/

And tomorrow is my last day of vacation and I'm going to Sacramento to go eat with the family. Didn't happen. Sooo yeah.

Underneath. I'm calling for. One more chance to believe.

I had a blast at JEELS little gathering last night. Went up to Tracy about 6pm and bought some snacks at Wal-mart near her house first. As soon as I left the store, I noticed all the traffic lights went out and all the lights were out at Jill's house. So we were all like "PARTY IN THE DARK!" I should have brought my glow sticks and cheap light saber.

Power came back on an hour or so later. We started playing little drinking games. I only played "Quarters" for a bit and Meg kept giving me vodka shots and Jello shots. After like 7 of those and being drunk, I pushed all of Meg's continuous offerings away lol. I kinda watched the others play Beer Pong, well vaguely.

(Lol favorite screen_capture. Meg.JEEL.Me.Cory.Hemi.)

We played Just Dance 2 at one point and I danced to 'Iko Iko' with Meg and sang it at the same time, even filling in the added Captain Jack lyrics during the instrumental pauses to it. That was after splashing around in the Hot tub for several hours. I sobered up towards the end of the night and downed 5 big glasses of water before falling asleep on the couch at 3am. O_o

Woke up at 7am and drove home to get ready for work asap and fought a 10-7 shift with stomach pains. I survived thankfully.

I also joined In-shape sports gym next to my work on Friday. I went over to ask about rates after talking to several customers at my work who go there and I kinda joined a spur of the moment type thing. I'm really happy I joined but I'm also like "what the fuck did I just do all of a sudden?" xD well it waived the major sign up fees. Tomorrow after work is my first personal trainer session so hopefully it goes well :3

I'll keep going and I'll never stop

It's hard to believe that last week on this day I was at Disneyland. They say it's the happiest place on Earth and the majority of that time, it seemed quite true. Made me forget all my problems for the time being.

Robby, I and his parents stayed at the Candy Cane Inn. It had nice free continental breakfast. ^^ The Inn was only a street or so up from Disneyland and even though the shuttle was free, Robby and I walked to the park every morning since we were a lot faster.

In those 3 days at Disneyland I rode Space Mountain Ghost Galaxy about 9 times and didn't even get tired of it. I can still imagine every fast turn in the dark as I hear the song play:

My vlog:

I was spoiled and had California pizza kitchen (I wish we still had it in Stockton now as the creamy garlic alfredo was superb!), The Cheesecake Factory, Jazz Kitchen and the biggest corn dog I ever ate in my life lol amongst delicious churro's.

In the sky, depression swirls in absurdity.

Fuzzy looks on in amazement.

I have custody of Bun Bun now xD; I cleaned out his cage today. I'd let him run around on the front lawn if he wasn't such a pain to catch. He runs around in my room instead. He is FAST compared to the guinea pigs I used to have.

I gotta send in my transcripts to Chico. Otherwise they'll cancel my application. 

Gonna go see The Lion King 3D tomorrow. :3 My favorite childhood movie! 

Hello, hello, hello, Na gateun yeojan cheoeum, Eulo, eulo, eulo,

My dad made Mediterranean/Greek salad xD I need to learn how to make it to take to a future potluck at my work or wherever. It's yummy and healthy.

(It looks like that but with the onions chopped up tiny and with small macaroni)

ITS RAINING IN JUNE, this is so awesome!

I finally have my tattoo appointment booked for next week. My parents still don't know I'm getting it. I'm 23 and should be allowed to be inked! My brother has the Guile tattoo. xD American Flag.

Next week is vacation~!

Make up!

I didn't know I had this much makeup lol I don't use it all

Gonna throw some of the older stuff out or the crappy quality stuff.

The makeup I use on an everyday basis (as of right now):

Foundation: Maybelline Dream Liquid Mousse in Light #5 creamy natural (or)

Hard Candy Tinted Moisturizer in SPF 15 Light

Eyeliner: Revlon Colorstay crayon in Black Brown

Jordana Eyeshadow primer

Whatever generic purple eyeshadow or color I wanna use

Mascara (if I feel like using it): Clinique High Impact Mascara in black

Lips: Hard Candy Lip Tattoo in colors: Petal or Barley There

Physicians Formula Bronze Booster

And of course I'm still experimenting with Make up so it will always change xD

Make up I want to try:
NARS Laguna Bronzer (So expensive!)
Urban Decay Primer for Eyeshadow
The infamous multi-color eyeshadow palettes

Revlon colorstay in the right skin tone

So baked tiki bronzer by Hard Candy $9

Basically anything by Hard Candy

The eyeliner by Rimmel

Wet n' Wild MegaGlo illumintating powder in Catwalk Pink

Sally Hansen Natural Beauty all over brightener concealer

Prestige cosmetics total intensity eyeliner in deepest black

Some things I never do...all about my flaws

So this is how ugly I look at night after a long day and taking off my contacts, make up etc.

(Did not use photoshop!)

Show/Hide

My glasses are so effin thick >_< and I have bad acne. I find it funny when people complain about one random pimple but have pretty clear skin and I've had hundreds of pimples myself and still get them, plus all those ice pick scars and blemishes. My skin suckss. And I've tried tons of shit for it and seeing a dermatologist didn't help any. But I remember Michelle telling me how clearer my skin looks compared to when I was in high school and that the little scars on my face give me character. If that's true... If I could change 3 physical things about myself, it would be to have no acne, laser eye surgery to see perfectly and to not have kyphosis/scoliosis. I wouldn't get a boob job, I wouldn't get any cosmetic surgery. I like the way I look except for my facial skin, not being able to see without correction and my spinal cord that was not under my control.

Now today is a do all math, and plant science day. Basically finals. When I said this was the hardest semester at Delta, I wasn't kidding. If I had the same mentality that I did when I first started Delta, I woulda given up on this semester long ago due to everything I had to do so far. But I've matured since then.  I fight till the end.

Was it a dream?

The power went out at work tonight. Ahh yes, it was amazing. But then I was shortly off after wards.

Tomorrow will be my last day to pull out weeds for my vegetables and final grade. Kazumi helped me yesterday and I'm gonna see how much the weeds have grown in 2 days. Lol

I need to gather my work to put together my notebook. This long semester is finally starting to conclude!

Kazumi got me into the anime Nana. So I plan to get all comfy tonight and watch that in bed ;O

Black Ops double experience is this weekend + new maps.

I needa see Tony again about my tattoo xP prolly won't get it till early June/vacation time?

So take me back in time, to another world.

Soo Kayla made me a much better Tiger design.

I'm gonna take that to Tony tomorrow and I would get it exactly the way it is, but we needa figure out a color scheme and then I have to save money to get it @_@

Yesterday I went up to the mountain area with Kayla and her family, watched her aunt get married and we hung out in a tent while it rained a lot. I got a foxy tail ^^ 

We went to Denny's later on, Kayla's brother had the Bacon Sundae X_X

Vlog >_> 

I'm exhausted lately haha but I've been excited for the upcoming month. Only 11 out of 60 math hw's left! The semester is coming to a close soon. I'll take an English class over Summer school I suppose and maybe a criminal justice course if I feel like it?

Applying to schools on August 1st if the state budget allows it. All I have to take next semester is my final math and basically any art class. Also plan to take weight training with Kayla to get more in shape. I felt like I rushed getting out of weight training in the past, but this time I wanna stay and use the full time to gain muscle.

My work out plan for the summer includes DDR! xD I need to look for a small nice bike.

Hell dwells in Ice

Finally got OKAMIDEN! :3 so I've been playing that for a little over two hours so far, and mostly I like it. Feels just like the original game with the sound effects and characters and gameplay. Only difference is the tiny screen and not as good graphics but still pretty good for a DSi.

Took my Plant Sci midterm today, so I hope I did ok on that. Also Karate went well earlier this evening. At the end I had to demonstrate for all my peers, one of the basic moves I'm learning. The teacher said he likes my aggressive high kick and can't wait to see me progress further. Also says I am tough xD

Go insane, go insane.

After Plant Sci class, I got to Kayla's house and ordered a waffle to go, and didn't eat it till after we spent over an hour pulling out the weeds growing on my vegetable row up in Manteca that I needed to weed out  for  my grade in Plant Sci. My kale didn't grow so I hope I don't get docked for just pulling all the weeds up in that area.

 Big thanks to Kayla for helping me get rid of all those weeds!

There was a weed that stung! And I ended up getting sunburned.

We went to Chucks, their hamburgers are always good :3 and went to Best Buy so she got Tron which we watched on Blu-Ray. So beautiful that movie is. Best OST, good visuals. My eyes kinda trip out sometimes watching it.

I almost kept falling asleep on Kazumi's bed xP after Tron was over. 

You say you wanted more, what are you waiting for? I'm not running from you.

1.Are you a night owl or a morning person?

Mostly a night owl. I like the pretty city lights at night and get inspired at night time and don't' have that annoying sunny glare. But I can like very early morning too as well, given I have had enough rest and I'm pumped up ready to go somewhere. It happens but not too often as I like to sleep in :3

2.Do you prefer giving or receiving gifts?

I honestly like receiving gifts but I love to give to those who are important to me and see them get happy which makes me happy.

3.In how many languages can you say 'Hello'?

Bonjour. Konnichiwa. Que Pasa? Ni-hao.

4.Have you been told you can sing well more than once by strangers?

Nope. I'm a horrible singer. But I might sing little snippets here and there ;D to annoy people. I like to type out the most random lyrics to songs while chatting with people.

5.What are your 3 physical features you get complimented on often?

My hair mostly, my eyes and my smile. People always remind me to smile cause I have a pretty smile xP

6.What is your most favorite animal to have as a pet?

I like cats, very independent, though Fuzzy and Yuki aren't too affectionate towards me, but I guess that's why they are independent ;D. I want a dog but can't have one. I had guinea pigs, and I lurved them but they required more time than I had to give them, so I gave them away /sniff

7.What is your favorite color?

I love Purple and violet colors and I also like blue and black and silver. xD Anything on the cool side of the color spectrum except most greens.

8.When did you have the time of your life?

 Probably just all the good memories with friends in High School, when we would hang out in the End Zone sophomore year together and read manga's and sip hot coco and when I had my first lil honeymoon phase back in Oct 08. Also Disney World in Florida during my brothers Wedding.

9.Where would you like to go to the most?

Visit Hawaii. New Zealand. Japan. The UK. Australia and Canada.

10.What kind of life do you want to live?

One where I can be financially independent. To the point of having some decent spending money and not worry about bills. To have a few good close friends and find that special someone.

11.Are you superstitious?

Not really. But I get paranoid of things like the Ouija board easily. I don't believe demons will take me over while playing Ouija but I still refuse to play lol

12.Does it matter who earns the most money in a relationship?

Not really. I think the guy should lol I'm so traditional but I honestly wouldn't care if I was the breadwinner as long as my man put in some decent income or work.

13.What are the most important characteristics in someone you are looking for?

Humorous. Intelligence. Has goals in life. Accepts me for who I am xD

14.What's the best piece of advice you've ever received?

It's a quote by Marilyn Monroe: "A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left." - I kept that there.

15.What does a good relationship look like?

 Being able to joke around and get through the hard times together. Able to relax together in silence with true contentment. Able to survive the dull moments and spice up their life together once in awhile. As well as being able to tell each other pretty much anything.

16.If you had an extra hour in a day, how would you spend it?

Music hunting.

17.What's the best compliment you've ever received?

When I got eye contacts, everyone ALL AT ONCE at my work and several friends were complimenting me on how beautiful my blue eyes were. Like my thick glasses just hid them all those years. I got a big boost of confidence after that. And that's why I really wish I had perfect vision.

18. In an ideal relationship, what would you spend the majority of your time doing?

Chilling together, just eating, relaxing, playing video games, watching movies, random dates like concerts, fairs and the malls. Sleeping ;D

19.What's the biggest personal change you've made?

I still can't trust people, it just gets harder, I feel like I'm opening up more but at the same time I feel like I lost more friends and wanna keep to myself. And changing my looks though not too vastly as I wanna look how I feel comfortable.

20.What is your idea of living a good life?

Financially secured. Having hobby's and good friends. Always something to do lol

21.What would your dream house be like? Would it be a contemporary cave, or a Victorian shed?

 I honestly want a basic two story house someday but I would want each room to be unique. The front room could be Red walls with black furniture that would look chic. Each room would have a unique wall paint or theme for the most part. I could have an Asian/Tiger themed room for relaxation. I would want my bedroom to be modest but have a really light violet wall and let in lots of sunshine through my windows and at night have pretty lamp lights strung around the ceiling with a canopy over my bed. :]

22.What is the funniest thing that has ever happened to you?

Idk the funniest but one in the past year that comes to mind: When I was checking the bathrooms at my work but stopped in the break room to talk to some coworkers and my manager Rosie caught me and rolled up her papers and swatted my ass with them and called me "bad" lol and then one back in Japanese camp where I sucked in my stomach as the lady tied on my Yukata really tight and I was like "dayumn" and everyone was laughing.

23.What is your one achievement that makes you the most proud?

Being strong and mentally able to cope with whatever life throws at me. Having good drawing skills which won me art contests (which I don't really use anymore sadly)

24.What is the one thing would I 'not' know about at the first meeting?

How random I can be. Since it takes awhile to get comfortable around people but it depends how the people are and what vibe I feel from them.

25.On a scale of 6-to-47 how organized are you (or keep it simple, like 1-to-10)?

My room can get messy at times but despite that, I am organized in my mind as I know pretty much where everything is the exact minute I need it. I do like to organize when I'm in the mood lol

26.If there was one thing you could have done differently, what would it be?

Have done high school a lot better or have had a better idea of what I wanted to do once I got to Delta College instead of dawdling and taking my time and dropping so many classes. I could have finished my G.E faster. But I'm still not giving up on school!

27.What do you expect from someone you're dating? or what do you expect from the person in your life?

I expect loyalty and comfort, a good friend. Someone who won't let me down.

28.What is your idea for world peace, global warming, green energy?

Reduce population. People should only be allowed to have like 2 kids or less in the U.S >_> sorry but do you really need so many flipping kids? The human race won't survive till the end unless everyone cares about each other in every country which will probably never happen. And of course, Recycle!

29.What are you absolutely best at?

Finding oddball shortcuts to doing tasks. Finding good routes on CoD capture the flag to capture it. And I can eat a lot ;D even though I haven't been eating really anything lately T_T Hopefully Chucks will change that tomorrow.

30.How accurate is your first impression of others?

I usually either like the person or hate them and 98% of the time, what I originally thought about the person ends up happening.

31.What 3 things would you take with you to an island?

My bestie, food, and computer with high speed internet lol

32.If you had so much money that you wouldn't know what to do with, what would you do with it?

Give alot to my parents. Pay off all debts. Give to friends, Humane Society, Animal Shelters, Red Cross and a lot for myself ;D

33.What is your favorite time of the day?

Sunset :]

34.If you could have dinner with anyone, who would you choose?

Right now Kayla mostly, my parents and whoever provides comfort and laughs.

35.What is your worst dating experience?

Trying to date someone online over Ragnarok waaay back like end of highschool. Cept. I don't even consider it dating lol and it wasn't bad. I just can't take a relationship that seriously or feel anything when I don't see the person cause it's online.

Jewel of lifeeeee

So I'm sick, and according to the pharmicist at my work, I have that "bug" that's been going around. Coughing up green phlegm. Grosss.

I also missed another quiz today in Plant Science, yaay the second time this has happened cause my alarm didn't' go off! I really wish it was spring break now but that is next week. Then I went to meet up with Samielyn and two of our coworkers didn't wanna play Basketball anymore.

After I thought about it, it was kinda windy so it would have effected how we played anyways, but yeah to go out to get pumped and play Bball and then I went out for nothing...

But it's ok, I might just hang out with Kazumi. I'm dl-ing a bunch of the Pokemon movies we never saw on torrent atm.

I  feel bad inside because I'm supposed to be doing evil algebra right now. *stab* But  I feel all sad inside so I can't concentrate right now. It's all due by this Friday night plus the test @_@

And I don't know what you want from me, but I don't wanna be perfect anymore...

 Does my mom not know how hard it was just to transfer to Stockton S-mart from Tracy Savemart? And that's closeby.

I'll try to transfer anyways.

I should take a road trip up to Chico sometime xD!

Time to study for Plant Science midterm next Tuesday.

♫And I how miss someone to hold, when hope begins to fade...

I only applied to SJSU this past Fall and I have small hopes of getting in. =/

They only accept full upper division transfers and I won't have my upper math done by then. And on top of that, now they only accept students from the Santa Clara county area.

So if I get accepted, awesome. If not, I'm giving up my dream of becoming a Spartan.

This whole afternoon I've been looking up stuff on Sac State's website. The newspaper said legislature is pushing Sac state to accept more students and students who go to Delta have a high chance of going there. 

So my plan for next Fall is applying to Sacramento with a Criminal Justice major.

My other choice is Chico state with a Psychology major.

I can go into law enforcement with pretty much any bachelors degree according to the experts.. 

I hope I get into some 4 year school. By the time I apply for more schools next Fall, I'll be full upper division. And I'll be 500x more confident        :]

dear Red Bull. Where the fuck are my wings?!?!

I haven't posted in awhile.

I was really sick on my birthday last month. I had a fever and congestion and stayed in bed all day and the following days I had off. It sucked.

My bestie gave me the best card of Mizer ever lol

This past week, I was the first one done in Plant Science and the teacher checked it over and said it was perfect, then like Robby and 10 classmates were all huddled over me, trying to copy me or ask me for help. @_@ I felt smart and irritated at the same time.

Then Wednesday, I saw Sanctum in Imax 3D. Good but depressing movie. Too much drowning. Brings back bad memories. But we won't go into that hush hush.

Next week, I get to plant vegetables at the Manteca Farm. I can't wait to see what kinda plants I can grow xD

Like JEEL used to say "Xeno eats plants"

I must go to sleep for I has work all day tomorrow. Ugh.

It's gonna rain like all week?

I want a pretty heart necklace.

Anyways, today I finally got Robby to watch Napoleon Dynamite, which I bought for him over a year ago on Blu-ray when it was on sale at Best Buy. He liked the movie which is good.

Robby's mommy gave me a full twin bed set. The sheets are all purple violet & black with reversible covers. I think. I would set it up now but I must get rest for work tomorrow. I saw a present for me under the tree. It's from Sanrio :O unless it's just wrapped in Sanrio paper? xD

So doesn't feel like Christmas is this Saturday...